Have you ever wanted to be more than what you are but no matter how hard you try nothing seems to work out? I've been looking for a job (at school) for forever now (Well actually just a month) and nothing is coming to me. I'm putting my faith in God though because I understand that the economy is down and places just aren't hiring like they used to. I know my time is coming and God has something GREAT in store for me.

On another note, I hate the way people think of me. I don't know how long it's going to take but I WILL change the way people look me. I am not some whorish ditsy party girl. I am a good intelligent christian girl who loves God, her family and herself.

I just want to scream

I'm happy! But I still want to scream at everyone. I want to tell people to stop talking about me. I'm hoping by fading away the "out of sight, out of mind" cliche will come into play. I want people to quit thinking they can punk me. I want people to realize that you can't expect different results doing the same ol ish. I want to live right, live better, be better.

How can you claim to be doing something big and different and say that you've changed and things are different although you're still hanging out with the same people doing the same things. You still messing with that dude that you said didn't appreciate you, did nothing for you, and needed to get himself together. You still hanging out with that immature chick who's main priority is chasing dick (not the real reasons the school is paying her tuition). You still going to each and every party thrown in the school area. NOTHING you do has changed. The only thing different in your life is that I'm not there (hmmm how do you make your decisions now?)

Yes I still do some things that I used to do but I have and am changing. I've seriously cut back on the parties. Yes I did the first few when school started but I haven't been out since then. I've been done messing with dudes in general. I'm letting God bring me the man for me. I've let go of people who are no good for me. Your friends say a lot about you; you should be around people with common goals or who are where you want to be. I got rid of so many people in my life and when you're gone, you're gone. I don't do second chances SORRY! I am involved in so many more things than I was last year and instead of just talking about finding a church in the *QC*. I've actually been to several churches and missed one Sunday since I've been at school.

I'm not trying to be judgmental but I heard all that talk you were doing before and I just don't see the change. Plus I see how you talk when you pass me and so forth and so on. Y'all chicks so fake, it's unbelievable. So glad for the real people in my life. Oh and you can't punk me. I know you and yours are all talk not to mention God didn't give me spirit of fear but one of love, power, and a sound mind (nope not crazy either). Yea so not trying to brag but get like me. I got mine together!

Live Laugh Love

Petty

Maybe I'm just way more mature than I think I am but I'm too mature for petty people and their drama. Now whether people realize it or not but I'm not one for games and once I cut you out of my life you are out for good. I don't care who you are you're not getting back in my life because all I need in my life is GOD!

The devil is coming at me hard and using these petty people in my life to do so. So Jasmine* is SUPPOSED to be my friend but I see her yesterday at our back to school block party and she wants to ignore me and turn her back to me. SO PETTY! Now we're supposed to be on good terms but she's acting like this and can't say why she's mad. REALLY PETTY!! Now I don't know if it was because her hoe of a best friend Jazmine* was there but I really don't care. All I'm going to do is pray for you and hope you can make it without me because I'm so done with people using me and acting PETTY! May you and you're best friend be blessed beyond belief.

Now Satan wasn't done there. He came at me with my own flesh and blood. I wrote my paternal grandmother a letter letting her know that I forgive her for the way she's mistreated my brother and I all these years and that despite it all I still love her. But she wants to get PETTY and call my father (who I don't get along with) and say I disrespected her. THEN she calls my younger sister and has her to be an e-thug and send me a facebook message talking junk. All I can do for them, I have done. I forgave them all and love them despite the way they've treated me.

They saints are nothing more than people who fell down and got back up. Well I've fallen and it's made my walk with the Lord that much stronger and no amount of PETTINESS is going to destroy me or my faith. No matter how hard you push me, wanting me to fall and stumble on the path of righteousness, I'm going to get back up and I'm going to make it. All of these trials and tribulations I'm going through is letting me know that this year is going to be a great one for me. God is preparing me for something big. He's making me strong enough to handle what he has planned for me. I LOVE YOU LORD!! I AM READY AND WILLING FOR WHATEVER YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR ME!! MY HEART IS OPEN!! MOLD ME!! THIS IS MY SEASON!! I'm not going to let anyone block my blessings or hinder my destiny. I'm not looking at you, I'm looking past you!


*names have been changed for their privacy

In case

In case you failed to notice
I was made to love you
And you were made for me
In case you don't recall
I fit so perfectly in your arms
And my skin complements yours
In case you don't remember
I'm the one that makes you laugh
And you're the one that makes me smile
In case you don't recollect
I knew you before I met you
And you already knew my heart
In case you don't realize
I am your helpmeet
And only you can put me in my place
In case you didn't know
I complete you
And you perfect me

Insignificant

I feel so insignificant. I feel like because I'm always working or busy people have forgotten about me. You know out of sight out of mind. People just don't understand how hard I work. Some days I just want to pass out and stay out.



My birthday is coming up soon...we'll see how significant I am then.

Just thinking...

It's funny how people get upset when you finally take time for yourself. I work very hard, especially during the summer (it seems like I work to get nowhere), but I still find time to check up on those I care about. Yet, no one makes sure I'm still breathing, not having a nervous breakdown, or anything of the such. I work three jobs and I stay ripping and running but no one takes that into consideration. They want me to do what they want me to do on their time and when I don't I"m somehow selfish or don't really care. IF I hear one more person say "you can make time" one more time I'm going to Kill Bill on them, take out my samurai sword and go to town on them. I can only "make time" up to a certain extent. I'm not God, I can't just pull hours out of my behind. I mean can I catch my five hours of sleep, or am I being selfish. OMG you work a full time job!! I work a full time AND two part time jobs. I literally work 7 days a week. Get like me and then once summer is over I'm back at school where hey I'll be working as well..... Pray for me y'all