It's been a long time since I've done a blog. Some things have changed but other things haven't. I finally got a job. I'm still working to get over my issues with people. It's hard though, I know the people I don't like are still talking about me and smiling in my face and I don't appreciate it. It's a new year and I'm trying to leave the past in the past, but they're aren't making it easy. I just wish I could erase folks off the planet.
But right now that's not even my main priority. School is, although maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe school isn't where God wants me right now. But I hope to God that He does want me there right now. I've messed up yet another semester. I'm a failure at life, well at least at school. I'm trying my hardest to get back this spring semester. If I don't I don't know what I'll do. I just might kill myself. There's nothing for me at home: No job, no friends, no education, nothing. I hate living at home. I hate being with my mother for more than a couple of days. I'm miserable here. We don't get along and everything I do is wrong. If I have to stay here until summer school it won't be being with her that I'll hate it will actually be her that I hate. I love my mother but I don't think our relationship can handle this much time together.
I know I'm supposed to want what God wants for me but I don't know what He wants. I hope that being in school is a part of His plan for me. I need more God and more good in my life. I think God has sent me some great friends to be in his....I don't know what word or phrase I'm looking for. But these people are one's that I can speak about my faith with and what God wants for me and people to go to church with me and grow in my faith with. I KNOW I didn't have that last school year and I definitely don't have it here at home. I don't know what's next? I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do if I don't go back to school. It's scary but I"m trusting in Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment