Mission Statement 2009 pt 1

I know I'm almost a month late but I have finally found my new years resolution, but I prefer to refer to it as my mission. I have strayed like a lost sheep from my Shepard these last couple of months and I don't know how. I do,however, know that being at home is not health for me right now. Being here has, strangely enough, allowed me to become lax in my faith. Mostly because I lose all since of independence and time here. So, with all of this being said here is my mission statement for the first half of the year!

1. Strengthen my relationship with God through prayer and service.⇒ take my community service to the next level. I'm ready to do some serious outreach and ministering not just community clean-ups and feeding the hungry but some life changing stuff.
2. Strengthen my relationship with my family. ⇒I've been slacking lately. Time to do some visiting
3. Get back not just to school, but to my school. ⇒I've been having lots of thoughts about transferring but until God directs me any differently I'd like to finish my undergraduate years where I started them and I'll do anything to do so.
4. Become a member of something big can't say what!! ⇒I want this so badly I can taste it. I think this year is MY TIME to join!!
5. Continue to let go and let God!! ⇒self explanatory.

I can already tell you I love the person I am and can't wait to love and enjoy the person God is so eager to make me! Maybe I'll be a motivational speaker after all!! I think I've got the genes for it. Not to mention the ability to talk!☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺Look out for Mission Statement 2009 pt 2 in June or July!!!

'09 oh no

It's been a long time since I've done a blog. Some things have changed but other things haven't. I finally got a job. I'm still working to get over my issues with people. It's hard though, I know the people I don't like are still talking about me and smiling in my face and I don't appreciate it. It's a new year and I'm trying to leave the past in the past, but they're aren't making it easy. I just wish I could erase folks off the planet.

But right now that's not even my main priority. School is, although maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe school isn't where God wants me right now. But I hope to God that He does want me there right now. I've messed up yet another semester. I'm a failure at life, well at least at school. I'm trying my hardest to get back this spring semester. If I don't I don't know what I'll do. I just might kill myself. There's nothing for me at home: No job, no friends, no education, nothing. I hate living at home. I hate being with my mother for more than a couple of days. I'm miserable here. We don't get along and everything I do is wrong. If I have to stay here until summer school it won't be being with her that I'll hate it will actually be her that I hate. I love my mother but I don't think our relationship can handle this much time together.

I know I'm supposed to want what God wants for me but I don't know what He wants. I hope that being in school is a part of His plan for me. I need more God and more good in my life. I think God has sent me some great friends to be in his....I don't know what word or phrase I'm looking for. But these people are one's that I can speak about my faith with and what God wants for me and people to go to church with me and grow in my faith with. I KNOW I didn't have that last school year and I definitely don't have it here at home. I don't know what's next? I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do if I don't go back to school. It's scary but I"m trusting in Him.

Have you ever wanted to be more than what you are but no matter how hard you try nothing seems to work out? I've been looking for a job (at school) for forever now (Well actually just a month) and nothing is coming to me. I'm putting my faith in God though because I understand that the economy is down and places just aren't hiring like they used to. I know my time is coming and God has something GREAT in store for me.

On another note, I hate the way people think of me. I don't know how long it's going to take but I WILL change the way people look me. I am not some whorish ditsy party girl. I am a good intelligent christian girl who loves God, her family and herself.

I just want to scream

I'm happy! But I still want to scream at everyone. I want to tell people to stop talking about me. I'm hoping by fading away the "out of sight, out of mind" cliche will come into play. I want people to quit thinking they can punk me. I want people to realize that you can't expect different results doing the same ol ish. I want to live right, live better, be better.

How can you claim to be doing something big and different and say that you've changed and things are different although you're still hanging out with the same people doing the same things. You still messing with that dude that you said didn't appreciate you, did nothing for you, and needed to get himself together. You still hanging out with that immature chick who's main priority is chasing dick (not the real reasons the school is paying her tuition). You still going to each and every party thrown in the school area. NOTHING you do has changed. The only thing different in your life is that I'm not there (hmmm how do you make your decisions now?)

Yes I still do some things that I used to do but I have and am changing. I've seriously cut back on the parties. Yes I did the first few when school started but I haven't been out since then. I've been done messing with dudes in general. I'm letting God bring me the man for me. I've let go of people who are no good for me. Your friends say a lot about you; you should be around people with common goals or who are where you want to be. I got rid of so many people in my life and when you're gone, you're gone. I don't do second chances SORRY! I am involved in so many more things than I was last year and instead of just talking about finding a church in the *QC*. I've actually been to several churches and missed one Sunday since I've been at school.

I'm not trying to be judgmental but I heard all that talk you were doing before and I just don't see the change. Plus I see how you talk when you pass me and so forth and so on. Y'all chicks so fake, it's unbelievable. So glad for the real people in my life. Oh and you can't punk me. I know you and yours are all talk not to mention God didn't give me spirit of fear but one of love, power, and a sound mind (nope not crazy either). Yea so not trying to brag but get like me. I got mine together!

Live Laugh Love

Petty

Maybe I'm just way more mature than I think I am but I'm too mature for petty people and their drama. Now whether people realize it or not but I'm not one for games and once I cut you out of my life you are out for good. I don't care who you are you're not getting back in my life because all I need in my life is GOD!

The devil is coming at me hard and using these petty people in my life to do so. So Jasmine* is SUPPOSED to be my friend but I see her yesterday at our back to school block party and she wants to ignore me and turn her back to me. SO PETTY! Now we're supposed to be on good terms but she's acting like this and can't say why she's mad. REALLY PETTY!! Now I don't know if it was because her hoe of a best friend Jazmine* was there but I really don't care. All I'm going to do is pray for you and hope you can make it without me because I'm so done with people using me and acting PETTY! May you and you're best friend be blessed beyond belief.

Now Satan wasn't done there. He came at me with my own flesh and blood. I wrote my paternal grandmother a letter letting her know that I forgive her for the way she's mistreated my brother and I all these years and that despite it all I still love her. But she wants to get PETTY and call my father (who I don't get along with) and say I disrespected her. THEN she calls my younger sister and has her to be an e-thug and send me a facebook message talking junk. All I can do for them, I have done. I forgave them all and love them despite the way they've treated me.

They saints are nothing more than people who fell down and got back up. Well I've fallen and it's made my walk with the Lord that much stronger and no amount of PETTINESS is going to destroy me or my faith. No matter how hard you push me, wanting me to fall and stumble on the path of righteousness, I'm going to get back up and I'm going to make it. All of these trials and tribulations I'm going through is letting me know that this year is going to be a great one for me. God is preparing me for something big. He's making me strong enough to handle what he has planned for me. I LOVE YOU LORD!! I AM READY AND WILLING FOR WHATEVER YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR ME!! MY HEART IS OPEN!! MOLD ME!! THIS IS MY SEASON!! I'm not going to let anyone block my blessings or hinder my destiny. I'm not looking at you, I'm looking past you!


*names have been changed for their privacy

In case

In case you failed to notice
I was made to love you
And you were made for me
In case you don't recall
I fit so perfectly in your arms
And my skin complements yours
In case you don't remember
I'm the one that makes you laugh
And you're the one that makes me smile
In case you don't recollect
I knew you before I met you
And you already knew my heart
In case you don't realize
I am your helpmeet
And only you can put me in my place
In case you didn't know
I complete you
And you perfect me

Insignificant

I feel so insignificant. I feel like because I'm always working or busy people have forgotten about me. You know out of sight out of mind. People just don't understand how hard I work. Some days I just want to pass out and stay out.



My birthday is coming up soon...we'll see how significant I am then.